Learning The Difference Between: Confidence & Arrogance

So… I was in session with a client this week, and she begins to describe herself in such a magnificent way…

She says to me: “Alecia, I realized something this week. I realized that I am both deeply confident and deeply empathetic. And it seems in my life, I have attracted people that question my confidence and take advantage of my empathy.”

I had this moment of reflection after she spoke… I remembered a pivotal day in my quest for Self-Understanding that I’d like to share with you here: It was during a Breema Intensive in California (long before Covid) that I was struggling with my own trauma patterns and beliefs about myself. We were in class and the instructor opened up the floor to questions. I raised my hand and shakily asked the question I so deeply yearned to understand: “How does anyone know the difference between confidence and arrogance?”

He answered (in part): “How do I Know the sun is up?”

And

I understood.

I understood that a part of me was scared to affirm what I knew to be true. That somehow in this world of attachment patterns and trauma reactions, imperfection and cultural misapplications of truth:

1. I had become unsure of what I Know is true.

2. I had come to believe that confidence in what I Know meant I was closed to learning something new.

3. I was scared to speak to truth for fear of being bullied.

And I was trapped.

And that is why this work we do together is Vital.

It is Vital.

This work I offer as The Polyvagal Coach pops those Belief Balloons that crowd the mind and nervous system.

These beliefs halt access to living life in a way that is just outside our current capabilities. Not because we are unable. No. Because the belief formed by imperfection and by this system of things blinds us. Emotionally, Mentally and Physically. When they are popped, we can see a little more clearly and then our actions come into alignment with our capabilities. It is one of the phenomenal gifts of Being Human.

As this Belief Balloon popped… I have come to learn this in my whole being:

Confidence does is a beautiful combination of being willing to learn at the same time as being unshaken in what I do Know. It is becoming a Full Participant in my life! It is becoming comfortable with fear in growth.

Arrogance is closed to learning. It is scared that what I know will change and creates Force all around me to protect my current knowledge. It is isolated and unharmonious with the natural world.

And

Only I am able to search and begin to understand my own motivations behind my Actions.

And

Understanding my motivations will bring me to Confidence.

Every. Single. Time.

Practical Application:

This month, why not begin to listen to how often your internal world is battling what you Know to be True? Then ask yourself: What is my motivation behind this battle? Am I scared? Do I need support in some way to find clarity? Where does the confusion lie within me to find my Confidence? How do I “Know the sun is up” in this instance?

SERIES: I am Not a Scientist - But I’m Learning Science Things

Triggered to Feel… Safe?

When you hear the word: Trigger, what comes to your mind?

Perhaps… Emotions, Memories, or Feeling the Yucks?

In our culture, that word is often used only in connection to the definition that holds a negative emotional and physical connotation, ie: “to cause an intense and usually negative emotional reaction in (someone)”.

But what if we dug a little deeper and used another aspect of this word, ie: “something that acts like a mechanical trigger in initiating a process or reaction”. This definition has the possibility to create a neutral, shame free zone that can foster confidence when Anxiety sensations arise.

Through understanding my own body and the way it works in an Anxiety reaction and utilizing principles found in Polyvagal Theory, I begin to understand that I can also receive triggers for safety!

Imagine your nervous system as if a precious infant that needs soothing sometimes. Anxiety sensations are letting you know that your Body doesn’t know if you are safe or not. They are not your fault. This is a natural physiological response in this awesome experience of being human. They aren’t fun or comfortable - they aren’t meant to be! They are meant to alert us to danger.

If there isn’t any overt danger around you the next time anxiety sensations show up, why not experiment?

Perhaps Ask: How can I trigger a Safety response in my Body? What helps me know I am safe Right Now?

Then, if you want to, why not do something that creates safety for you?

• Holding hands with someone

• A favorite song or show

• A snuggle or a play with your pet

• A conversation with a friend

• Prayer

• Quiet time

• A special coffee

• Be creative

Safety will override the defensive activity in the body in time. They cannot exist simultaneously.

We will continue to explore ways to support your body and your mind as we learn how the body works and how to best support yourself - no matter what!

Let’s keep walking together in imperfection, connection and coregulation. And if you want 1:1 support to explore how your body and mind best trigger safety, book your Somatic Coaching session with me on the link below!

With Science and Safety, Hugs and Laughter,

Your Coach: Alecia

*Thank you Merriam-Webster for the exploration into the word: Trigger

* LEARNING BONUS *

Click the link below to watch a brief video on the practical application of Polyvagal Theory.

Thank you to everyone who is sharing this work with friends and family around the world.

It is my passion and what I offer in this world to support you to understand just how amazing it is being human - even alongside of imperfection! Thank you for supporting me to continue to offer this work, my heart is honored with your trust.